


Equilibrium

by CAPSING



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dealing With Loss, Depression, F/M, Grieving, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Translation Available, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 23:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4039117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CAPSING/pseuds/CAPSING
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his efforts to keep Peter alive, Wade is slowly losing himself.<br/>(Please read the warnings.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Равновесие](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6025321) by [DrWinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrWinter/pseuds/DrWinter)



> Inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C_3eYj-pOM%20).  
> Not too long ago I've replied to a comment, saying that I don't write sad endings, but that I also never say never. This is why.
> 
> YOUR ATTENTION – THIS STORY ENDS BADLY. NOTHING HAPPY HAPPENS. EVERYONE DIES. It's also very confusing and vague. Please consider this before reading.  
> Bold lettering is the boxes.  
> *  
> Now available in Russian thanks to the amazing [DrWinter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DrWinter/pseuds/DrWinter). Thank you so much! ♥

They say you never fully appreciate something 'till it's gone.

They're wrong.

Wade knew how to appreciate everything – from the snark to the hugs to the farts beneath the blankets which always led to tickle fights to the warm voice and soft chapped lips on his repulsive skin to every moment he was in his presence –

Of every moment and countless times he thought Peter could've picked anyone, but for whatever reason, he somehow chose –

 

"Wade?" Peter asks.

"I'm right here, Petey."

Peter's lips twist slightly. "Secret identity, Wade," he croaks. "We've talked about it."

"You can yell at me later," Wade pleads. "I'll sleep on the couch and everything, Petey –"

"Later," Peter repeats, dazed. "But no couch. It's cold." He looks up at Wade, and he's so very beautiful.

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Sure, Petey. Pinky swear. Stay with me, okay? Don't fall asleep –"

"Wade," Peter speaks softly, stopping him, and motions for him to lower his head. With a herculean effort, he presses their lips together. "You've made me so happy. I–"

"Peter," When Wade's lips shape the words, he tastes blood. "I can see the paramedics, don't –"

"You're such a bad liar." Peter breathes out half a laugh, resting his head against Wade's left bicep. "Asshole."

 

Then he dies.

*

 

The paramedics arrive three minutes later.

Wade shoots them all right through their hearts.

 

*

He doesn't go to the funeral. He doesn't eat or sleep. There's a hole in his chest and he craves it with a knife but the growing flesh doesn't fill it. He keeps expecting to see Peter walking in or in the bedroom – in _their bedroom_ – If he closes the door, he can keep imagining Peter's just sleeping through breakfast, through lunch, through dinner, the weekend, their weekly movie-marathon, just taking a nap and be back before he knows it, rubbing a stubbly cheek against Wade's neck and falling asleep halfway through.

 

The lights go out in the middle of the night. He dully recalls he haven't paid the bills in many months. And as his minds quickly slips from the papers strewn outside his front door, he suddenly knows what he must do.

 

Wade Wilson may have lost Peter Parker forever, but for every Wade there is a Peter.

**It'll never be our Peter.**

And Wade will make sure no other Wade will go through this.

**_He's dead._ **

That no other Peter would die.

Infinite universes are not as intimidating when you're immortal.

 

Wade goes to pay a visit to Weasel.

*

It takes time, obviously. Money, too.

Wade's got both aplenty.

 

Logan meets him one time, looking weird. Cautious.

"Wade," he starts, but it sounds _so wrong_. "You've got to stop this. This isn't what Pe–"

 

Deadpool shoots him in the mouth with an adamantium bullet.

*

After three years, a portable universe travelling device is in Deadpool's possession.

He leaves Weasel seven million dollars richer. More than enough for therapy. Or to make up for those lost fingernails.

 

He types in numbers, humming.

**You'll never be able to fix it.**

The screen is small and clear.

_**Peter Parker is dead.** _

The number nine is his favorite.

**Good job.**

And the activation button is red.


	2. Earth 101

"Deadpool!"

He's not prepared, the first time he hears it; the pitch is a bit higher, the frame smaller.

He suddenly finds the world tilted, his knees pained.

Peter's here.

He's real. He's real and alive and breathing while Wade chokes.

He's in his arms and Wade breaks, sobbing and speaking incoherently as everything in him burns in pain, so much worse than anything he had ever undergone in the depths of government-funded hellholes.

 

" _What's wrong with you!"_

The shove is not as powerful as Wade knows Peter's capable - he barely stumbles back. The words, though, are worse than any physical rejection.

 **He's not our Peter** , the box reminds him. **Our Peter is dead. He's never coming back.**

Wade looks at Peter – Spider-Man – lets a small ray of something good and pure and _real_ brush his soul –

_**You can't replace him.** _

– Then slams every possible barrier around his heart.

 

"Sorry, baby-boy! Crazy, remember?" He chuckles.

"Get out of my city." Peter commends, frowning at him under his mask. His hips are so slim -

 

( _"Wade, it's delicious!"_

_"It is?"_

_"You have ruined me for any other apple pie."_ )

 

\- and he hopes someone is feeding him.

"Sure," Deadpool says. "First thing in the morning."

Peter narrows his eyes (he can tell). His elbow is just the right angle –

**PETER IS DEAD. HE'S NEVER COMING BACK.**

"–ching you."

"No Problem."

 

During the night, he gets the job done.

Eight hours is plenty of time when all the people you need to kill are conveniently locked up in the same jail.


	3. Earth 9023

It's not always that quick.

Sometimes he needs to find Doom's hideout, or there's a new villain he hasn't heard of – but most universes are pretty consistent. Peter wears different outfits, but he's –

**He's dead.**

"I know that."

**He's never coming back.**

"I know that."

**_Do you?_ **

 

Wade wonders what made this Spider-Man choose pink. 


	4. Earth 408

"Deadpool."

"Not now, Spidey."

"Deadpool, listen to me. You don't want to do it. Let him go."

"I really can't do that."

"Please, Wade."

 

Wade cracks and lets the Goblin get up.

The Goblin's glider cuts Peter in half.

 

Deadpool is never listening to him again.


	5. Earth 65

"Deadpool?"

It's a woman dressed in a white suit with a hood. He briefly thinks it's Peter –

**None of them are Peter.**

– but the blond gives her away.

 

"New outfit?" She asks.

"You're not Peter Parker, are you." He states.

**They'll never be Peter Parker.**

"Where did you get this name?" She hisses, and Wade knows.

 "You've lost him, too." He wishes he could empathize.

"Answer me." She demands, and her stance radiates impending physical conflict, but Wade shakes his head.

"I don't have anything to do here, then." He taps new, random coordinates into the transporter.

"Don't worry, Spidey. We might've lost him – but I'm making sure no one else would."

The portal opens, ripping the fibers of space and time with a push of a button.

"Peter Parker is dead." She tells him, hollow.

 _ **\- DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD**  _-

"Not all of them. Not if I can help it."

 

He doesn't hear her answer.

He likes to imagine it's _Good Luck_.


	6. Earth 1610

"Deadpool."

It's another spider. Cute. Small. He's seen a few of those. About fourteen? No, thirty one? The last one had a tarantula, and they were the third one with a braid... Or was it- 

"Spidey," Deadpool greets. "You're not Peter Parker either, are you?"

Spider-Man stiffens.

"Where did you get this name?"

"You can say we were – friends."

 

( _The apartment is bright and sunny; there's a trashy song playing in the kitchen while Wade lazily kisses Peter's neck._

_"Does this mean –" Peter starts, then stops. His ears are turning red._

_"What?"_

_"We're – I can –" He stops again. "Are you seeing other people?"_

_"Have you been drinking?"_

_"Wade. I'm serious."_

_"So am I. The fuck are you –"_

_"That means… we're…" Peter swallows. "I want us to be exclusive."_

_Wade stares. Out in the street, a truck is honking unnecessarily loud._

_"Is Spider-Man asking lil-ol'-me to play boyfriends?"_

_"Jesus Christ, you are the most embarrassing, idiotic –")_

 

"I'm having hard time believing that." This one wears black and red, and there's a set to his shoulders Deadpool haven't seen as of yet.

"So did I."

He waits. The sun is setting. When was it that he last slept? He tries to recall. Was if before the earth with the flying turtles, or after the place where all the rivers have gone dry -

"Peter Parker is dead, here." The Spider answers, tone flat.

Deadpool nods, biting into his taco, juices spilling all over his gloves. "Figures. Who're you, then?"

"I'm not going to tell you that."

Deadpool shrugs. The hot sauce drips on his thigh, staining his pants. "Suit yourself, Spidey. Speaking of suits, yours is nice. Not very original, as far as it goes, but  _–_ "

He half-heartedly avoids the kid's sneak attack, and the time drags as they dance around each other, Deadpool listening to him joking and throwing puns around.

"Peter would've liked you, Spidey." He says when he catches his foot, pausing. "I think."


	7. Earth?

"Deadpool."

This time it's another girl, but it's Peter, too.

Deadpool wonders if he can make her a dress. It'd be so nice –

 

( _"I can't believe I've let you talk me into this. I_ _look_   _ridiculous!"_

 _"You look hot."_ )

 

"–gnore me, dude. You still owe me a hot dog."

They go out to hot dogs and talk about bridges and pineapples. She promises she'll treat him next time.

He kills Doctor Octopus four hours after she kisses his cheek, and leaves a note on the wall.

_'sorry about the hot dogs'_

He doesn't have a pen – but there's plenty of thick red ink all over the floor.


	8. Earth One-Two-Three-Four I Declare a Thumb War

"Deadpool."

The voice shakes.

"Don't do this–"

Deadpool shoots the man.

The stupid man who wears the same suit as him but almost killed the only person ever–

**He's dead.**

Deadpool cuts the imposter into five parts and locks each in a box he ships to a different continent, to be drowned in different oceans.

 

("Who're you?" the person asks, and Deadpool shrugs and types numbers onto a screen, even though he can't remember exactly why. He likes the threes.)


	9. ??.???.??.???

"Wade." Someone says.

Deadpool doesn't know who's he talking to– it's only them on the roof.

"Are you okay? I haven't seen you in ages." He pauses. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Deadpool answers, though they've never met – the stranger seems – there's something about him, something that makes his head hurts and the whispers stronger, urgent, loud, loud, loUD LOU **D LOUD** - 

 

"You said we'd go to tacos. You _promised_."

"Tacos?" Deadpool asks, confused. "I don't remember."

The stranger laughs.

"You're such a bad liar." He says, and Deadpool just wants to _kill –_


	10. Stasis

Deadpool kills.

That's what he does best.

The first kill he remembers had very pale cheeks that complimented the tears.

He kills a guy for plagiarizing his suit.

It doesn't make him feel better.

 **He's never coming back** , a voice whispers.

"That was the point," Deadpool answers, and bites into the taco.

His mouth is burning, sending flames through his chest, making his eyes water and his throat clench.

He spits it out, wipes his tongue with his hand and dumps the rest into a trash can.

 

 

The empty metal echoes.

**Author's Note:**

> All feedback is greatly appreciated.


End file.
